The idea of self-reliance is a powerful one. Many people are taught from a young age that independence is a sign of strength, success, and resilience. We celebrate those who "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and figure things out on their own. But is complete self-reliance really possible—or even healthy? From a neuropsychological perspective, the answer is no. Humans are social beings, wired for connection and support. The belief that we must handle everything on our own is not only unrealistic but can be harmful, particularly for caregivers who devote their time and energy to others.
The roots of self-reliance as an ideal can be traced back to the 19th century, when American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson published his essay Self-Reliance in 1841. He argued that people should trust their instincts and inner wisdom rather than relying on social institutions like the church or government. His ideas were part of a larger movement called transcendentalism, which encouraged personal independence and self-discovery. While these ideas were meant to empower individuals, over time, they evolved into a broader cultural expectation: that being strong means handling life alone.
This expectation has shaped our views on work, relationships, education, and healthcare. From childhood, people are praised for being independent—whether it’s a toddler putting on their shoes without help or a college student moving out on their own. As adults, self-reliance is tied to success, particularly in Western societies. While independence can be beneficial in some ways, taking it to the extreme can lead to unhealthy patterns, especially when it comes to caregiving.
Not everyone struggles with extreme self-reliance, but those who do often develop it due to life experiences. Several psychological and emotional factors contribute to this mindset, including:
While these beliefs can make a person feel more in control, they also come with serious consequences, especially for those in caregiving roles.
Caregiving is an incredibly demanding role, whether it involves taking care of an aging parent, a sick spouse, or a child with special needs. While caregivers often feel a deep sense of love and duty, many also feel the pressure to handle everything on their own. This can lead to:
According to a 2019 NIH study, caregivers were significantly less likely to seek healthcare for themselves due to feeling overwhelmed or not having the time. Many feel guilty for prioritizing their own needs, believing that doing so means they are failing their loved one. In reality, failing to take care of oneself makes it harder to provide good care in the long run.
It’s important to shift our perspective and recognize that asking for help is not a weakness—it’s a necessity. Here are some practical steps caregivers (and everyone else) can take to break free from unhealthy self-reliance:
The belief in total self-reliance doesn’t just affect individuals—it shapes entire communities. Many caregivers hesitate to ask for help because they fear being judged by family, employers, or society at large. We need to change this mindset. Offering help should be seen as an act of strength, not pity, and seeking support should be normalized rather than stigmatized.
Organizations like Magnolia Care Services provide essential resources such as caregiver training, emotional support, and long-term care planning. By making these resources more accessible and encouraging their use, we can help caregivers maintain their health while continuing to support their loved ones.
Self-reliance can be a valuable trait, but only when balanced with the understanding that no one can—or should—go through life alone. The human brain thrives on social connection, and caregiving is no exception. Asking for help is not a failure; it’s a sign of wisdom and self-awareness. By breaking the myth of self-reliance, caregivers can build healthier, more sustainable lives for both themselves and those they care for.